NEW YORK — Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was forced to leave a September 11th commemoration event early when she started feeling faint. Online footage shows Clinton wobbling while being held upright by several campaign aids and security guards. As she attempts to enter a not-so-conspicuous-at-all black van loaded down with medical equipment, she falls forward toward the pavement, only to be caught by security and crammed quietly into the vehicle. An unimportant shoe was left behind apparently as a memento for New York to remember her by.
Dated Ways caught up with a spokeswoman for the Hillary Clinton campaign.
“These rumors about Hillary’s health are totally false,” the spokeswoman said before being asked about Hillary’s health. “This is obviously a conspiracy cooked up by right-wing radicals and crackpot conspiracy theorists. Hillary met with ten or twelve doctors today and each and every one of them can confirm that she probably has a pulse.”
The spokeswoman added, “I can’t believe that it’s 2016 and women who want to run for office have to answer endless questions about their health. Dead people don’t breathe and Mrs Clinton is breathing just fine. Everyone can see that. Her chest definitely goes up and down from time to time.”
Clinton’s campaign stated that the Democratic nominee felt unwell due to overheating in the sweltering 74 degree New York weather. Observers report that Mrs Clinton’s cheeks were a little pink and that at least one bead of sweat had formed on the inside of Clinton’s left armpit — obvious signs of an impending heat stroke.
The Clinton campaign, however, is not downbeat about their candidate’s fainting spell today.
“There is a really inspiring message in all of this,” the spokeswoman said. “Mrs Clinton is proof that no matter how many times you fall, it’s the standing back up again that really counts. You can’t keep Hillary down. At least, not for too long.”
When asked to provide a rough estimate of how many times Clinton has fallen down in the past month, the spokeswoman declined to comment.
“We prefer to focus on the positive things,” said the spokeswoman. “Like her ability to speak between coughs and the money coming into her campaign from diverse people all around the Muslim world. This is a campaign of togetherness.”
The spokeswoman ended the call with the statement, “Hillary will always stand up for America, again and again and again if she has to.”
DATED WAYS 